Horoscopes, Victims, and Enlightenment

“There’s nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly,” said philosopher Buckminster Fuller. I encourage you to make that your personal motto in the coming weeks, Scorpio. From what I can tell, you are capable of generating a transformation that will look impossible to casual observers. You have the power to change something that everyone said would never change.
I got this from Ron Brezsny’s website, http://www.freewillastrology.com. If you have not checked it you should. He has a shockingly accurate take on the Universe as it is.

For the record, yes, I am a Scorpio. I just had a birthday and it was a combination of really great and really lousy. Spent some tiny amount of the day at a museum (fantastic!,) having dinner in an amazing restaurant in good company, but then found myself alone at 9pm – Long story. Needless to say, I’ve spent the last few days pining, grumping, stressing, agonizing and fuming over it and the lovely little mental imagery loop that runs through my head. Been there, haven’t you …
Then a dear friend sent me the horoscope. Then I pulled the Star from my Tarot deck. There is light and transformation at the end of the tunnel, and the light I’m seeing isn’t an on-coming train.
I’ve decided that the negative imagery loops we play in our heads come from two sources: Fear of what might be and our Inner Victims.

You would think that by now, anyone over the age of 30 should be clear on one point: 99% of what we fear or imagine negatively will not come to pass. I even have solid evidence that this is true. Yet, the fear and ugly imagery loops continue. I hope I’m not providing some sort of proof that I’m an idiot who can’t learn (though there are moments I think that,) but rather that this is a practice of many of us.
What to do, what to do?

For me, what is starting to make the edit button work on my imagery loop comes back to being aware that I am a visual person. I write in a little personal notebook all the examples I have of my fears not coming true. I make it something I can see, something I’ve created. The discipline part is still in development – getting out the darned thing and reading it when the next loop begins to play.

So why do we do it? My theory is that, paraphrasing Dr. Carolyn Myss, we bond with ourselves and each other over our pains/fears. We know fear and hurt, and they are comfortable if though it is not our friends. I knew this to be a fact when I visited colleagues in our New York office 6 months after 9/11. Lunchtime discussions were not about how delightful our lives were, or even that we were alive at all, but an exchange of ‘where I was during …’ Being a Californian, all I could add was my tale of surviving the Loma Prieta earthquake – and let me tell you – I had them riveted with the details. And they had my full attention as they described seeing the planes (the office was right across the street from the Towers,) running down the stairs … All exciting, frightening and painful stuff. Yet, it gave us comfort that we are not alone in what hurts or scares us.
Thus, in many ways, I see our internal negativity loops as a way to comfort ourselves – we know what it is to hurt or to be afraid, and can go to that place with little to no effort. When in doubt, imagine the worst! Right? Hey, when it happens (1% of the time) we’re ready for it. If it doesn’t happen, then what have we lost? We’ve lost precious time, energy and self-esteem. And look! The sky isn’t falling (unless you live in the Australian outback and that was only Skylab…)

Ever had dinner with your Inner Victim. You’ve got one. I’ve got one. We all have one. But do we ever listen? Do we ever invite them to the table with all our other selves? Rarely, because society has taught us to ignore or even hate victimized behavior – especially when we’re doing it. But think about it… doesn’t that mean you’re willfully hating a part of yourself? Your Inner Bad Person who flipped off the driver who nearly broadsided you gets to sit at the table. Your Inner Annoying Happy Person who drives people to want to slap you every time you get that positive spin button stuck on hyper-spin gets to sit at the table. Why not your Inner Victim too.
Susan Bishop, http://www.mindover.com, once compassionately explained to me that our Inner Victims aren’t to be hated but nurtured, loved, and given an appropriate place to work things out. There are sometimes messages of value if we get to know that part of ourselves better.
My Inner Victim has been telling me lately that I’m not where I need to be. If I’m sitting home alone at 9pm on my birthday, and that’s not what I want, maybe I need to do something about that. Now, one should always respect the language of the Inner Victim and its limits – thus the negativity loop. That’s how your Inner Victim speaks.

Am I a great enlightened person and sage, handing out glorious nuggets of wisdom … oh God I hope not. How boring. But I’d like to think that sharing what I’ve learned, and from whom whenever possible, might do someone some good. So please – enjoy. Take what works, leave what doesn’t. And let the negativity loop go … as much as you can.

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